the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
