it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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