i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
