I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
