I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
