it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
