when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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