you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
