i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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