Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
