Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
