If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
