I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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