Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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