I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
4 words: hood of his car
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
