The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you had me at cake vodka
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
