There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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