Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
