i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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