After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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