in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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