I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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