By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
