Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
