Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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