I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
