Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My feet surprised me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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