we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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