I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
