I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
