how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
