he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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