my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
