we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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