I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
