Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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