Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
