His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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