she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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