I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she smelled like a LAN party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
