Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
