i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
