Already got asked if we're dating
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
