Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
