6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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