You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
