If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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