so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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