Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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