I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
