Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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