I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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