my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
