They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
