I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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