If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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