found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Randomize
