If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
