What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
