I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You are a genius and a whore.
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